I am terrified of ending up with someone who hides their debt from me. My father did that to my mother and it ruined her. She wasn’t able to get any relief even after she divorced him. I’ve been dating “Tod” for about six months and I honestly think he could be the one. I don’t have any reason to believe he’s hiding any debt from me, but I do notice that he spends much more on things that I consider luxuries. He doesn’t make more money than me. We’ve had a few talks about money and he only seems slightly averse to credit card debt, whereas I am extremely averse. I feel like I’m looking for any little sign that something is wrong with his finances, but I very highly doubt I will. It’s so early to talk about forever finances, so I’m at a loss for what to do.
My Father Hid His Debt
Published On - September 14, 2023
I understand why you would be afraid of that happening. Some spouses do hide their financial spending, which results in repercussions you can’t bounce back from. You both also have seemingly different opinions about what are considered luxuries versus what should be part of a “normal” lifestyle. Six months together is the perfect time to start talking about money, especially if you think he is the “one.” But those questions don’t have to be about “forever finances.”
Start small, and ask questions when you both have downtime. This will start to give you an idea of where his money goes and his feelings about spending. This list has 50 questions about money that you can use as icebreakers if you’re unsure where to start. When he answers, take mental notes and actually listen. You can’t change people, only an individual can alter the way they act. The last thing you want to do is move in together and be surprised by five figures of credit card debt. (That’s not to say people can’t change, as I speak from personal experience.) But opening up about money now will allow you to see what the future could look like together.
